Supporting Your Partner in Labor and Birth

You are growing your family! Congratulations. It is such a magical time for you and your partner but also can be a very stressful time. As you near the end of pregnancy and are approaching the big day, how are you feeling? Anxious, worried, excited, wondering how you are going to be the best birth partner, hoping the day is going to go according to plan? All these thoughts running through your head may be overwhelming. Well I am here to help relieve some of that stress and give you some tips for supporting your partner in labor and birth. The do’s and don’ts as some would say. Your role is valuable. The way you show up in labor could make a huge difference. So let’s get into it.

BE PREPARED.

First things first you need to be prepared! You wouldn’t just jump into game day without some practice and preparation, knowing the game plan and plays etc. Prepare for game day! Make sure you know the birth plan. That is the layout … Next, get educated. Read a book. A good book for you would be something like “The Birth Partner” by Penny Simkin. OR take a childbirth education class. Classes generally cover signs of labor, stages of labor, delivery methods, pain management tips, common interventions and complications, ways to support your partner in labor and birth and some even include breastfeeding and life with a newborn. Now you know your plan and what the labor and birth process look like.

RESPECT AND SUPPORT.

Comply with the birth plan that mom has chosen and be ready to support her in that and advocate for those wishes during labor and birth. Not only respect the space that she is in but also recognize her emotions and the pain she is feeling and validate her. It is hard! Labor is painful and sometimes so long. However, it’s pain with a purpose and her body is made for this. Give her those affirmations! Tell her how great she is doing and ask her what she needs. Above all do not negate her feelings or say things like “it’s not that bad.”

COMMUNICATION.

Now this form of communication I am talking about is non-verbal. You know mom best so really tune in to what she needs through the process. Is she off track and needs a little bit of help? … breathe with her, count together, reassure her. Help her find comfort. What kinds of things can relax her? … massage, aromatherapy, deep breathing. Additionally, be aware of her contractions so you can be active with your support as the partner. Know your birth plan BUT be prepared for change, and go with what mom is feeling. It could be as simple as, she needs sips of water in between contractions for hydration or a cool towel on her neck when she’s hot.

DON’T TAKE IT PERSONAL.

Mom’s mind will give up before her body does. Therefore, there will likely be a point where mom snaps about something, maybe lots of things. She may not want to be touched at certain times or the pressure of the massage isn’t heard enough or is too hard etc. Don’t take it personal or get defensive. It’s important to continue, calmly and patiently, offering support. Go with the flow; moreover, be prepared to make changes with how mom is feeling. Emotional support is key. Affirmations affirmations affirmations. Do not get mad at your partner, you are there to support and make her feel safe!

RECUPERATE.

Make sure you are taking care of yourself and your needs as well! Be sure to stay hydrated. Don’t forget to take time to eat and refuel. When moms napping or resting, try to get some rest too. In short, you can’t show up at your best for your partner if you are not energized and taking care of your own needs. Eat. Drink. Rest. 

If you’re not feeling confident or even if you are, adding a doula on your birth team could really be a benefit to you as well. A doula does not and will not replace you, they reinforce you. By adding additional assistance it could strengthen the support mom has. A doula would help you to help mom. By giving you tips, ideas, guidance, offering information and education, allowing you the time to take those breaks to refuel and rest and even reassure you when needed, it can help to lift some of the weight off your shoulders. I hope these tips will help you to be a better birth partner and have a magical birth experience.

If you have any questions or comments feel free to contact me. Did you find these tips for supporting your partner in labor and birth useful? Let me know in the comments below!